I mean, it IS easy to say it. Trust me, I've said it a lot over the years. To my dogs..."No! Bad dog!", to my daughter, "No! You did NOT lose those hamsters again!" Or when I said it to my lawnmower in slow motion as I unfortunately ran over that frog..."Noooooooooo!" or even when that a**hole guy in asked me out, "No. There is no f**king way."
But I can't seem to say it to people when they say, "Hey, I need a favor? Can you do this for me?" I answer "Sure, no problem." as if it really won't be. Even as I say it I know that it's going to be hard to complete that task. At least in the time frame they have in mind. I'll have to move my schedule around in order to fit this in, or change plans altogether in order to get done in a timely fashion. And yet...there I am agreeing to help out in whatever manner is asked of me.
Now don't get me wrong. I usually enjoy helping out. I like to help others. It makes me feel good...and needed. I'm a caretaker by nature, but this year for my New Years resolution, I chose to put myself BACK on my own list. And by helping all these others I then manage to put myself back on the bottom of my "to do" page.
I'm pretty good at managing my time. Although I do admit to having 'lazy' days where I just do not feel like being productive. But my normal routine is pretty well organized so adding in one or two little 'help me' blips shouldn't be all that much of an added burden.
I'm really working hard on this. I'm trying to do it sans professional help. I mean seriously...the last time I was in therapy I ended up sorting out stuff for the therapist! It was just a chat session that I paid $200 for and all I came out of there with was giving out names of my favorite restaurant, lip color, colorist and shoe salesman. What did I gain? Nada. But I tell you, I bet the hundreds of dollars I paid her she's out getting facials and buying the boots that I should have had with my money! "And how do you feel about that...?", I'd hear her say. Well how the F*ck do you THINK I feel about it! C'mon now...give a little bit. We don't have to start on that same square each time!
Since my last post...I have spent an entire 12 minutes standing in front of my mirror saying the word, NO. As of yet, it doesn't quite feel right, but I'm going to continue to work on it. I've even written it on my palm so I can see it periodically. I put it there to remind myself when going into a meeting..."look at your palm...say the word."
I have to admit I slightly afraid that I'll get used to it though. I had a friend that always said "No" to most things and I liked her, but geez, she was such a bitch. What if I get so used to saying "No" that it becomes automatic? That it's the first word to hit my psyche and fly out of my mouth? I might start answering with ,"No, sorry.", or "Nope, no can do.", or even "Uh, no." What if that answer starts popping out? And perhaps it might happen at the most inopportune times.
If my dad asks, "Why don't you come visit?"
"What? Did I hear you correctly?"
Might as well go ahead and tear my name right out of the Will.
Or out with friends, "Had a great time lunching with you! Want to do it again this week?"
That might get a little awkward.
Or what if I were at the drug store and some hot guy asked me about condoms. "Would you like to test these out with me?"
I mean....give me a break! You know that's not the right answer!
That would just be plain out wrong.....
So I have to ease into this "No" thing slowly. I don't want to overload my mental capacities...If I run into the hottie in Drug Mart I'm going to walk right up and say, "Yes. Yes! YES!"
But that gets us onto a whole completely different train of thought......and no, not going there right now.