Friday, May 29, 2009

win or go home...

I live in Cleveland, Ohio.

Now before you start in with the Cleveland jokes (yes, we've heard them all I believe), I need to make something very clear. I wasn't born here.

Now some would argue, "You are here by choice?"
"Yes. Yes, I am."
"In God's name...Why?"

Well, let's see are at least 10 good reasons.

  1. The cost of living is outstanding in comparison to other urban areas.
  2. We live on the lake.
  3. The Iron Chef, Michael Simon, lives here and I can get a table in his fabulous restaurant.
  4. There is a wonderful park system to enjoy.
  5. We get all four seasons.
  6. We have a fabulous orchestra.
  7. We have a world renowned museum.
  8. Most headliners stop here for concerts because of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
  9. We have all the major professional sports teams.
  10. We are all Witness's to the King of Basketball...LeBron James.

I'm not much of a professional sports fan. I LOVE the fact that they are here in town, but don't go to the games all that much...unless someone gives me a ticket. But I have been fascinated and engrossed in the entire post season series of the Cleveland Cavaliers.

And it's killing me.

I'm staying up WAY too late each night watching the games. I'm anxious about each play. I'm on the verge of a heart attack the entire fourth quarter.

If anyone else has been following or watching said know what I mean. Each and every game has come down to the last 30 seconds and most have been won by just one stinking point!

It's incredible basketball. The best I've ever seen. The best B-Ball played ever by many sports critics and analyzers. On one hand, I want to see Cleveland go on to the show. We deserve it. They've played well. It would be great for the city...especially since we haven't won a professional sports title in what, 42 years? C'mon. Patience is a virtue and all...but enough is enough! We've come close a few times...and then we trade our best players to teams that go on to win the titles. Odd. And horribly disheartening.

And on the other hand, I want us to lose Saturday's game so I can finally get some rest.
My eyes need some good, long, restful sleep. My intestines need to get back to regular food instead of the fried bar food. And my liver needs my brain to order green tea....

All that being said, I hope we go all the way. I started watching so I could raz my brother who lives in Detroit about how "My team beat your team". Now I watch because of proud to be a Clevelander.

LeBron, Boobie, Z, Varejao, Delonte and Mo Better...this Cleveland gal is behind you all the way. My eyes hate you. Not because of the view, you area all damn good looking big, tall men...but because of the bags I'm getting under my eyes. For the Cav's it's a Win or Go Home series of 3 games to 2. The same for the Denver Nuggets who also trail by one game; 3-2. I don't really want to see the Kobe/James faceoff....but I do enjoy the muppets commercials featuring them.

Go Cavs! One Goal baby, One Goal...Beat the hell out of Orlando.
We ARE all Witness's.

Update: 11:32pm Saturday 5/30/09

We are going home. I can finally get some sleep. The Cavs just couldn't get it together. Lack of rebounds and missed foul shots kept us from making it to the Finals. A very dissappointing show...

Now we must rely on the Indians to get us to the World Series. I'm not going to hold my breath on that one. :-)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

timing and lack thereof...

For an self proclaimed ultimate optimist; things have a way of going terribly wrong for me as of late. I think it's my timing...or lack thereof.

It's not always been this way. I used to have it down. The pendulum of good timing and fate would always swing in my favor. It was easy to pick me out of a crowd. I'm the one with the rose colored glasses on. (figuratively, not literally) Maybe I got so used to the smooth ride, I didn't realize that it wasn't going to be permanent. Perhaps in my days gone by I was too damn busy smelling the flowers to see that they had been fertilized with cow shit.

But whatever the reasons, there are certain things that I KNOW will happen. If I do A. then B. will happen. If I choose to go straight to B. or avoid A. then C. will kick into place. These are lessons learned from much experience. There are times that it goes straight into H., I., J. and K. And trust me when it gets into the M. & N.'s, you REALLY don't want to be around.

For instance...if I wash my car, what do you think happens? Yes. It will rain within 10 hours. Not less than 8, because then I could get another car wash for free. It will be over the time stamped 8 hours on my receipt at the car wash.

And if my car gets detailed do you have a notion as to what I might expect? Most people will enjoy a nice clean ride for many months. But no. Not for me. I can expect my two big dogs to jump into it as soon as I open the back to retrieve the groceries. And if I command them to "Get Out", of course they will jump over the back seat and into the front, leaving big dog foot prints the entire way. OR my daughter will try to open a pixie stick and it will spill "soon to be forever there" sticky sugar all over the newly cleaned carpets.

I do try to keep my car relatively clean. I've always had black cars with black interiors...but for some reason my latest car purchase was a Jeep Commander in white with light tan interior. Odd purchase for those who know me. It's a 'pretty' truck if you will. And actually the white has been rather easy to keep presentable. I have an American Bulldog that would have been a nightmare had the interior been black. Ask my ex-husband...his car is black inside and he hardly will take Stuey anymore due to the amount of stiff, white, short hairs that get left behind! Sienna on the other hand is a Labradoodle, dark brown and curly; but the poodle in her makes her not shed. Great trait for a dog. So Stuey's short white hairs don't show up that much on the leather seats, until that is if someone sits down with black pants on. But that's a whole 'nuther story that I'll share at a later time a date.

These are just but a few examples with 'the car' in mind. Now expand your mind to incorporate all the other facets of "Nancy's World" and you'll begin to understand the title of the blog itself.

For instance, I just had my windows and screens professionally washed. My home has ALOT of windows, large windows and I was soooo amazed at the difference when they are clean. I've had Chuck doing the windows for many years, usually twice a year...that way they look pretty good all year round. He wasn't able to make it last fall due to some back surgeries he had. So when he came out last week, it made a HUGE difference.

I awoke this morning to the sound of trucks, large trucks with the backing up beeping noise they make. As I look out my window I see there are several dump trucks and large street vehicles parked and getting into position all up the street. It's 6am.

I live on a street that has over the years become one of the worst in our city due to the potholes. The city's mayor lives on our street. I believe that he thought if he'd 'okay' all the other streets resurfacing projects before ours city residents couldn't criticize him for favoritism. I know where they are, so it's not that much of a with the Commander, who cares; it's like off-roading. They sent out a notice that our street is scheduled to be re-surfaced this summer. I figure that they would wait until later in the year, after schools have let out for the summer since there is a elementary school on our street corner. But no; they are starting the project today.

Cool. Except that the truck that goes and chews up all the asphalt, delivers it on a conveyor belt to dump into a waiting dump truck? Yeah, it has stirred up an enormous amount of black dust. I've closed all the windows so to hopefully protect the clean screens. But the windows? They are covered in a fine film of black soot. The front porch so newly washed? Soot. The cushions on the chairs on the front porch? Black soot again. The carpet under the chairs? You got, and not on purpose.

Let's take this one step further shall we? The white cat that lays on the cushions on the front porch that is now black? Uh-huh. Ever give a cat a bath? Not going to try that again. Oh, and the dogs? I've now got black paw prints in the car from the dust that is on the driveway.

I will have a new beautiful street in a few days so people can speed up and down. But had I known of their scheduling for this project I might have waited to have the windows washed. I might have done something else with my Saturday that prepare the porch and decks for summer entertaining. All this work is a waste. It will all have to be redone.

So be it for good intentions. I should've just let it all be, forgot about what it looks like and had a couple of beers, some chips & guacamole and set my ass down on the decks chaise lounge with a good book. But no; I thought I'd be proactive and get everything clean and presentable. As you can tell; it's all in the timing...

or lack thereof.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

humorless blogger dot com...


So maybe I'm just not used to be denied. Or rejected.

Maybe, just maybe I'm not as amusing as I thought I was. Or have that great of a sense of humor.

Maybe THEY are playing a joke on me and I'll look around my office to see that there has been a hidden camera recording my aghast facial expression!

Or maybe I really did get rejected and dumped...even before we entered into the relationship stage.

What the hell am I blithering on about? Why, it's my rejection e-mail from humor bloggers dot com! Yeah. Can you believe it? I know; I read the e-mail about 10 times, called a friend and read it to them as well. Just to confirm it was what I thought it was.....

My friend Chrissy, who writes a wonderful blog ( - how that plug for ya' there Chrissy!) recently joined humor bloggers. I follow several blogs that are also members of humor bloggers, so I gave the web site a little 'look see' and decided to join in the fun and expand my humor horizons. I filled out the form, listed my blog, etcetera etcetera etcetera. I got a e-mail rather quickly that they would be getting back to me, that my registration was pending. After confirming my e-mail to show that I was indeed a real person, I waited for a response.

I did some laundry, picked my daughter up from school and checked my e-mail again. Still no word from the moderators as to whether or not my blog had been accepted into the realm of humor blogging. So I mowed the lawn, planted some plants, fed the pond fish-got way laid and read a few chapters by said pond and soaked into some of the beautiful sunshine. Went out to dinner with a friend, had a margarita and then checked my e-mail again upon my return. Hey now! An e-mail from humorbloggers dot com!

I opened the e-mail and here is what I saw...

Your registration at Humor Bloggers dot com has been rejected for the following reason:

NOTE: This email was automatically generated.

I was rejected?! Me? But why? It says for the following reason...but no reason was given! It was a complete blank.

I mean, geez. I guess I'm not THAT funny, but you might have at least given me a reason why they thought so.

I did send them over an e-mail asking why. But as of right now, I've no response from them. That was four days ago. I feel like a jilted lover, but before the love affair even started...

So I guess I'll just view Chrissy's relationship with humor bloggers dot com with wistful eyes. When I log on to some of my favorite blogs and see their badge of honour that they were accepted as funny and I wasn't; I will try not to feel slighted.

Maybe I should start my own blog community site where those rejected can commiserate. We'll call it the humorless bloggers dot com. Where 'We DON'T have your funny!!' It'll be the #2 social network and humorless blog directory on the net! Not seriously!

Bah. Who needs humor....
And if they decide to respond and re-check my blog for consideration?...I guess this entry on my blog will definitely define the boot.


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

take this damn piece of trash away....!

In my community, we have a weekly trash pick-up service. It's quite a good, thorough, wonderful community service. The trash guys are rather efficient and it's darn convenient as well.

They have guidelines from the refuse department as most communities do. They try to make it as easy as possible for the residents, and in turn, it makes it easier as well for the refuse collectors. Take your large trash items and recyclables out to the tree lawn after 6pm the evening before. If there is yard waste make sure that it is in brown bags or in a container with "yard waste' written clearly on it. If it's branches; make sure that it's bundled in lengths no more than 12 inches. We recycle glass and plastic up to #7 which has to be in a clear or blue bag. Cardboard and newspaper is also collected. And never, ever have your cans or trash weigh over 50lbs. (they just hate that...)

The rest of the regular trash is picked up by these little golf cart type vehicles. They zip up the sidewalks and into your back yard to collect it. (At least for the next few weeks...they have started a new system but have yet to distribute the new cans to residents)

Over the years I had to buy new trash cans periodically. You know how it gets cold and they crack, over they get overloaded and they crack, you buy the cheap ones hoping they will work as well as the $100 version....and they crack.

So I have this cracked trash can and have been trying desperately to have the trash guys take it away WITH the trash. Maybe they won't take it because it looks like it may, at one time, have been a 'good' trash can. It has wheels on the back for convenience. It has long since lost the top that was hinged to it. It has a large crack down the front and several smaller cracks on the sides. Listed below are all the things I have tried to do to have them take the damn thing away...with no success.

  • I've left it at the curb with NO trash in it with the rest of the trash. Broken side up, laying on it's side. They took everything else but the trash can.
  • I've left it at the curb WITH trash in it with a note to take the trash can also. They took everything, including the trash inside...but left the can there.
  • I've spray painted the side for them to take the trash can. It's still friggin' there...
  • Made a huge sign to cover the top of the can to 'Please take trash can!"...and guess, what? They took the sign and the trash but left the can.

So today is trash day.

I normally don't pay much attention to collection day. I've taken the recyclables down the curb the night before. I go about my business for the day. But not today. Today I am watching the tree lawn like a hawk waiting for the tell-tale whine of the little trash buggies.

So far this morning I've seen the first recycle truck go by and they picked up the blue bag with the glass and plastics.

I've seen the cardboard recycle truck stop and get all the cardboard and newspaper.

I've been out there when the yard waste guys came by to get my grass cuttings and trimmed branches.

But I was upstairs in my office on the phone when the large truck came by for the other trash items. I heard him and was trying to get off the call I was on. I saw the trash collector get the other items off the tree lawn. Saw him look at the broken trash can with it's poster on it asking them to "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take this can!" in bright red bold lettering. He picked it up, pulled it over to the truck and dumped the contents into the back. AND HE DRAGGED IT BACK TO THE CURB!

I practically hung up on the call I was on and ran down the two flights of stairs. Ran past the dogs out the back door and down the driveway. Grabbed the fucking broken, spray painted, poster plastered trash can and ran down the sidewalk with it flopping behind me toward the trash truck now parked three houses up. I was yelling to the trash guy as I approached. Although I guess I knew he wouldn't be able to hear me I was trying to yell at him to "TAKE THIS AWAY TOO!" It must have been quite the sight. Me still in my sweats from my morning workout, hair askew, mouthing words he couldn't understand, lumbering towards him dragging this broken container and probably looking a bit insane...It's no wonder he backed away rather than approach as I neared him!

Finally the whine of the compactor finished and I was able to ask him, now slightly out of breath, "Can you take this can as well....PLEASE?!"


Maybe it was my handwriting. Maybe other people have similar beat up cans that they want to keep. Maybe it was because my sign was in English. Whatever the cause, my month long drama of trying to rid myself of said trash container has come to an end. I have accomplished my goal. The can is now gone.

May it rest in peace...


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

barbara wawa wanna mamá juana...

The worst part of going on vacation is coming back to reality.

It can also be great to return to all that is yours; your own pillow, your bed, your family and friends, that pile of laundry that didn't get put away before you left...

I just returned from a fabulous trip with one of my best friends, Morgan, to the Dominican Republic. Or the Republica Dominicana since I'm now so fluent in Spanish. I can ask where the bathroom is; ¿Dónde está el de baño? Or black coffee, please; Café negro, por favor. The ever typical Good Morning, Good Afternoon or Good Evening; Buenos Diás, Buenas Tardes, Buenas Noches. The omnipresent, "No, thank you" for all the people selling things; No, gracias. And of course, my favorite. Una Mamá Juana, una de agua y una cerveza, por favor. (one Mama Juana, one water and one beer, please.) Sometimes it was dos (two) for all of those; one for me, one for Morgan.

Mama Juana is the local drink. It's a mixture of honey, rum and red wine soaked in this tree bark and herb mixture. Supposedly an aphrodisiac; it's the local version of Viagra. I don't know if that tale holds true, but it sure is tasty.

We met these crazy Germans also on holiday and met up with them daily. They were all quite the drinkers, and funny. Sometimes they'd have me laughing to the point of tears. Who am I kidding....I was always to the point of tears! Rosie, Norbert and Otto. Otto had no english at all, which was a little hard at first. Interestingly enough all those games of charade came in quite handy. Nothing like making vroom, vroom sounds to let them know how it was in my little Renault driving the Autoban in Germany. Or Otto tweaking his nipples in the ocean to let us know that indeed the water was cold. I was quite relieved that he knew I 'got it' so he didn't approach and tweak mine just to make sure all was understood.
Rosie and Norbert managed pretty well with their English. They are married and I believe it is their quest to also find Otto a wife. It was hysterical! I got the idea that they thought either Morgan or I would be 'just fine' for the job of Mrs. Otto. Never mind the language barrier! Norbert would say, "Rosie MY woman! Gutte woman, MY woman" and then make these gestures that let you know they had an active sex life!
Morgan and I the entire week would laugh ourselves silly over our trying to say: "Barbara WaWa wanna Mamá Juana". Don't ask me how that even started, but it stuck. So one day we got the Germans tying to say it. They would do their best....but OMG, I really needed the el baño then. It became our groups motto for the week. We would all hit the beach bar in the morning and tell Carlos, our friendly bartender, in unison..."Barbara WaWa wanna Mamá Juana". What a great start of the day.

I would go back to the Domicincan in a heartbeat. Great food, great friendly people, great atmosphere. You can't beat the beaches or water. And I would think it hard to find a better vacation destination value anywhere. Where else do you order a lobster dinner and can't finish the lobster?

We stayed at the Occidental Grande Flamenco. It's a beautiful large resort, but was one of the originals. The rooms (at least ours) needed a little TLC. I think we were in one of the first built by the looks of the plumbing. Sure, there were some other resorts that looked a little nicer and trendy than the one we stayed at, but I'm sure they were paying a little more dosh than we were. Perhaps on my next visit I'll kick it up just a notch. I had no complaints except for this one. Estas mujeres blancas están exigiendo una ducha de agua caliente. (These white women are demanding hot water for their shower.) Once they fixed the hot water in our room,'s all good.

So for right now, I'm relaxed and glad to be back home. I just need to find a ama de llaves (housekeeper) to do my laundry, a cantinero (bartender) to bring me a cocktail and a someone to give me a masaje (massage). My tan is already fading (damn) and although Spring sprang while I was gone and it's quite beautiful's not quite like the sound of the ocean on my morning walks.

I'll just wait for my Spanish version of Rosetta Stone to arrive to prep myself for my next Dominican vacation. I've already started the cuenta de ahorros de vacaciones! That would be the vacation fund for all you Gringos...

Not a bad view.
Something I could definitely get used to. Ahhhh....Life is Good.
Footnote: IF you get to the DR you can buy said Mama Juana to bring home. One thing is though, if you are traveling to the US you can't bring it in DRY due to argriculture regulations. HOWEVER, the customs guys helped us out instead of throwing out our bags of Mama Juana, they instructed us to put it into Ziplock bags with a slight douse of or wine. That way you CAN bring it in. Weird, but whatever...I got my Mama Juana! I can only imagine how many bags they throw away daily because the people selling it to you don't either tell you or know of the restrictions. Also, those cute straw hats and woven bags? Don't try to bring those back either...they are considered plants and can't make it through customs!