Tuesday, May 12, 2009

take this damn piece of trash away....!

In my community, we have a weekly trash pick-up service. It's quite a good, thorough, wonderful community service. The trash guys are rather efficient and it's darn convenient as well.

They have guidelines from the refuse department as most communities do. They try to make it as easy as possible for the residents, and in turn, it makes it easier as well for the refuse collectors. Take your large trash items and recyclables out to the tree lawn after 6pm the evening before. If there is yard waste make sure that it is in brown bags or in a container with "yard waste' written clearly on it. If it's branches; make sure that it's bundled in lengths no more than 12 inches. We recycle glass and plastic up to #7 which has to be in a clear or blue bag. Cardboard and newspaper is also collected. And never, ever have your cans or trash weigh over 50lbs. (they just hate that...)

The rest of the regular trash is picked up by these little golf cart type vehicles. They zip up the sidewalks and into your back yard to collect it. (At least for the next few weeks...they have started a new system but have yet to distribute the new cans to residents)

Over the years I had to buy new trash cans periodically. You know how it is...it gets cold and they crack, over they get overloaded and they crack, you buy the cheap ones hoping they will work as well as the $100 version....and they crack.

So I have this cracked trash can and have been trying desperately to have the trash guys take it away WITH the trash. Maybe they won't take it because it looks like it may, at one time, have been a 'good' trash can. It has wheels on the back for convenience. It has long since lost the top that was hinged to it. It has a large crack down the front and several smaller cracks on the sides. Listed below are all the things I have tried to do to have them take the damn thing away...with no success.

  • I've left it at the curb with NO trash in it with the rest of the trash. Broken side up, laying on it's side. They took everything else but the trash can.
  • I've left it at the curb WITH trash in it with a note to take the trash can also. They took everything, including the trash inside...but left the can there.
  • I've spray painted the side for them to take the trash can. It's still friggin' there...
  • Made a huge sign to cover the top of the can to 'Please take trash can!"...and guess, what? They took the sign and the trash but left the can.

So today is trash day.

I normally don't pay much attention to collection day. I've taken the recyclables down the curb the night before. I go about my business for the day. But not today. Today I am watching the tree lawn like a hawk waiting for the tell-tale whine of the little trash buggies.

So far this morning I've seen the first recycle truck go by and they picked up the blue bag with the glass and plastics.

I've seen the cardboard recycle truck stop and get all the cardboard and newspaper.

I've been out there when the yard waste guys came by to get my grass cuttings and trimmed branches.

But I was upstairs in my office on the phone when the large truck came by for the other trash items. I heard him and was trying to get off the call I was on. I saw the trash collector get the other items off the tree lawn. Saw him look at the broken trash can with it's poster on it asking them to "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take this can!" in bright red bold lettering. He picked it up, pulled it over to the truck and dumped the contents into the back. AND HE DRAGGED IT BACK TO THE CURB!

I practically hung up on the call I was on and ran down the two flights of stairs. Ran past the dogs out the back door and down the driveway. Grabbed the fucking broken, spray painted, poster plastered trash can and ran down the sidewalk with it flopping behind me toward the trash truck now parked three houses up. I was yelling to the trash guy as I approached. Although I guess I knew he wouldn't be able to hear me I was trying to yell at him to "TAKE THIS AWAY TOO!" It must have been quite the sight. Me still in my sweats from my morning workout, hair askew, mouthing words he couldn't understand, lumbering towards him dragging this broken container and probably looking a bit insane...It's no wonder he backed away rather than approach as I neared him!

Finally the whine of the compactor finished and I was able to ask him, now slightly out of breath, "Can you take this can as well....PLEASE?!"


Maybe it was my handwriting. Maybe other people have similar beat up cans that they want to keep. Maybe it was because my sign was in English. Whatever the cause, my month long drama of trying to rid myself of said trash container has come to an end. I have accomplished my goal. The can is now gone.

May it rest in peace...



  1. That's some funny stuff. They always say throwing away a trash can is difficult, now you know why. Maybe if you'd put a sign on it that said, "For Sale, $25" someone would've stolen it.

  2. Ain't that just the damn truth Chris! I'll remember THAT for the next time I have a hard time getting rid of any debris!

    I should write about the other things I witnessed while watching the tree lawn. It's quite entertaining to watch people sort through your rubish! Half of the things I put out there had disappeared before morning. Maybe a video would work for that one.....

    Thanks Chris!

  3. Oh my gosh, this is so funny! I can just picture you running down the street like a crazy person.

  4. Oh, Chrissy...you have NO IDEA. Had someone with a video camera been catching this on film, I would definitely have won the $100,000 grand prize in America's Funniest Home Video's!
    Have a great day!

  5. LOL...sorry for laughing,but with my imagination, I see this woman, running down the street with a big trash can, screaming out all sorts of words, looking like a crazy lady...lol...But they probably didn't take it because they Freakin couldn't read English. Stupid asses!
    He'll probably take it home to his house to use
    nice post...lol

  6. You're like that Chinese guy in Tiananmen Square.
    Also, Sheila-Army Wife, lots of smart people don't read English. Just thought I'd point that out.

  7. My can has similiar issues. But my can's crack has become an actual hole. You're a better person than me. My can is just sitting on the side of my house being content with its uselessness. Sigh:( Thanks for the funny.

  8. Hahaha!! That is totally something I would do! Yeah... that had to be frustrating. Maybe you should have made it more obvious. ;)


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