Saturday, April 18, 2009

schedules, vacations and mayhem...

Easter vacation. Spring Break. These are words that used to bring a smile to my face. A time to relax, soak up some sun, catch up on your reading and chillax. Now it gets me all wigged out trying to fit everything in, please everyone and make sure everybody is having a great time. All the while getting myself all stressed out....

My daughter's school follows Easter for it's spring break. Not a bad idea, except to plan any vacation time. You have to think and make reservations way in advance. One year I didn't do that and got totally shut out. Try to explain that to your daughter..."Sorry honey, mommy couldn't get her shit together in time to make the damn phone call.....". Not good. This year I chose not to do the big "let's go to Disney!" route and do something closer to home. (And slightly more wallet friendly.) Fun. AND a little more convenient.

So I packed the car and we went to Sandusky to Kalahari....

I had not been there before. It's truly is an amazing 173,000 sq. ft.of indoor water mayhem. It's so loud in there that in some areas it's hard to hear what someone is saying right in front of you. But the squeals of delight are contagious. And there really is something there for everyone. With each water slide, you feel a few years younger. By the time I left, I think my age was 9. Every time that the wave pool would give it's little whistle alarm to let people know the sequence is starting, all those that were waiting would start to scream. The sound would fill the cavernous building in a way that only makes you wish you had remembered to pack earplugs.

There is a water slide called the Swahili Swirl, which we renamed the Toilet Bowl. You can do this in a raft with 2-4 people. (For the daring, there is an identical one that is a singular body slide.) The idea is that you go through these dark tunnels on the raft and it dumps you out into this large toilet bowl type vortex contraption. Once you've entered the toilet bowl, you go round and round and round until it drops you out of the bottom. All while those waiting in line can watch as you get flushed. It's hysterical!

On our first trip on the Toilet Bowl, we were waiting patiently in line. (Yes, lines exist here...bah.) We were next up! The excitement was building! The girls were all but jumping for joy! And as we waited for these two young girls, probably sixteen at the most, donned in their smallest string bikinis for their waterpark of them while still standing there, leaned forward ever so gracefully and puked green stuff all over the loading area.

I mean, this stuff that came out of her mouth was GREEN. We all stared, rather amazed. The lifeguard was pretty quick, got a couple of towels to spread over the foreign matter and the girl said, "I feel better now!" in her best chipmunk voice, they got in the raft and into the tube they went. Our first reaction was to try to figure out what could come out of a body that was that color of green. Was it a young girl puking up some alcohol based Margarita? Or what the girls thought, some mint dipping dots? It was vibrant....and it was rather late in the evening, so I think it was alcohol.

My next thought was is she going to vomit again IN the tunnel that we are now going to travel through in complete darkness? Is something going to drop off the sides and into my lap where unknowingly at the bottom I'll look down to figure out if it was indeed those damn ice cream dots of the future? I surely hope not....

But we managed getting flushed without too much further ado.

There is also a water fun area called the Leopards Lair. It is mainly for children, but all can go in there. There are water canons, slides, buckets that can be filled and dumped on unsuspecting people climbing through the mazes. On some of the rides at Kalahari, you can sometimes remain relatively dry. In this area, there is no way you will return to the entrance without being totally soaked. I have to admit though, it really was quite fun. And of course the girls loved trying to get me with the water canons!

The highlight of this area is there is a gynormous bucket on the very top of this multi level playground...and when the bell starts to ring, the bucket is almost full. Once it's full it tips and dumps thousands of gallons of water on those standing below.

(I apologize for the sometimes sideways video editor won't allow me to rotate the image! Figures.)

One thing about waterparks. It is no fashion show. But in an indoor waterpark when there is always motion? Wouldn't you wear something that would stay in place? We lost count adding up the amount of butt cracks that were exposed. And exactly why do you wear a string bikini for water slides? First off, you're going to lose them. Secondly, most of those wearing said bikinis shouldn't be. My mind kept saying, "cover that shit up!" On the one hand maybe I should commend these people for having such body confidence to go in public wearing little more than a hanky on a less than toned body. I was walking with the girls and we were behind a woman with a Brazilian tanga bottom on. She was sashaying her ass all over the place whilst wearing high wedge heels. High a pool? Even the girls couldn't confine their giggles at this utter display of wrongness....

And the guys? They were no better. Ill fitting shorts so when they stood up they all but fell off. Or the best...light colored or white. I was standing behind this guy in the wave pool and he had on Corona swim shorts. A nice yellow, white and blue number. Except can you guess where the white stripe was? Yes. Across the butt and crotch. Just what I needed to see...that he needed a little trim and that he had a hairy ass. Thank you. No charge.

All in all it was a trip worth taking. But there was no sun soaking, no book reading, no relaxation. That will have to happen on my NEXT vacation (which starts this Friday! woohoo). That's the one where there are no children, no waterpark, no worries. I'll be packing the sunscreen and extra books for that one.

Yes. I promise I will give you the highlights of that vacation too. Hopefully, I won't witness anyone puking....
Especially me.


  1. Sounds like a lot of fun. Your daughter must of loved being there. These are times our kids will never forget. Spending time with mom and going somewhere, having the best time of our lives.
    I remember taking my children camping to Camp Land on the Bay, San Diego, CA. We had the best time.
    Your daughter is adorable.

  2. Thanks Sheila! We DID all have a blast...!

    And thanks for the compliment. My daughter is something else, that's for sure. I'm going to have my hands full when she gets in her teens! :-)

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  5. We drove past there when we went to visit Lisa's friend in Sandusky. Looks like a really cool place!

    Thanks for the visual on the hairy ass guy.

  6. was all I could do but not bring it to his attention that he needed to get new trou...

    It's like walking behind someone with toilet paper on their shoe, or theor tag hanging out the back of their WANT to tell them, you SHOULD tell them, but you DON'T tell them because it's just too damn entertaining!

  7. Hi Nancy!

    Just wanted to stop by and say thank you for stopping by my blog yesterday, it was so nice meeting you!

    Hey...this post brought back sooooo many memories for me when I lived in Orlando Florida and LOVED going to all the water parks. I was never big on Disney. I mean once you've seen it twenty times...what's the point?

    VERY nice blog! And I'll be back!

  8. You had me with the picture of finger guns.

  9. Hey Miles....isn't that the truth?! I saw her do that and was clicking away HOPING I got it. When I looked at the photos, I almost pee'd my pants laughing!

    If you look closely in the video, in the first segment after the water as she was approaching me, she did the same thing. What a hoot!

    Thanks for your comment!
    Elvis has left the building...

  10. Sounds and looks like you guys had a blast. My kids are older now 19 and 17,and your blog brought back some great memories I had with my boys. Cherish these times when they're still kids. Because they grow up sooo fast. The vacation your going on this Friday sounds good too. Have fun wherever your going.

  11. Ah, it's been years since I've been to a water park!
    And you're right about the swimsuits. I, too, am torn between amazement at some of these people's belief that their bodies are "bikini-ready" and amusement at that same belief...



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