Wednesday, July 29, 2009

that is just disgusting...

You know, I really don't like to sweat. Or perspire. Or whatever you want to call that dampness that permeates your clothes, makes unpleasant wet spots and usually makes the person standing in line in front of you stink all to high hell...

And this weather? This is making people sweat. And stink. And puke.

Well, it's not making THEM puke, it's making me want to vomit because I'm locked in line with them. (and all the while they have no idea they IS that, I wonder?)

It's not really even the heat, it's the humidity.

It plays havoc with my hair, my clothes, my make-up. It does, however, give me a dewy glow that those young girls have, so I guess I have that going for me.

But when you get out of the shower and as you dry your hair you can feel that sweat dripping down your rib cage from your breasts? (you know what I'm talking about ladies...) That is just wrong. I've not even gotten dressed yet, for God's sake!

I live in a house that has tons of charm. Built in 1905, they don't make them like this anymore. I suppose you could have them made, but it would cost a fortune. The problem with said charming old house is that it is fixed with water radiator heat. Which is good in the winter, because it doesn't dry out your skin and it's rather affordable to heat the house in today's market.

The downside of having this old house is that because of the radiator heat, it cannot be fitted for central air...

I DID have someone come out that works on old houses such as mine. But the quote he gave me to put in central air could make a nice down payment on a home that already has it. So every summer, there about 2 to 3 weeks where I just want to check into the Ritz-Carlton until the humidity and heat have passed. Or buy a new house.

I guess I should stop complaining though. It HAS been a rather mild summer thus far. We've only hit the 90's once or twice as compared to some of the summers of past years when we would have week or months in the 90's and 100's. The people out west are getting hit hard with temperatures in the triple digits, so I should keep my mouth shut, since I'm sure that is all probably coming my way. Soon.

But standing in line at the grocery store today put me over the edge with the smelly guy in front on me. I was a swimmer, so I'm able to hold my breath for some time. But there was no getting away from the stank odor emanating from this poor bastards body. Something inside of me thought I should run over to Isle 2 and pick him up some body wash. And deodorant. And maybe a new T-shirt to boot. I'd be happy to foot the bill...

It'd be my way of paying it forward into the world. It'd help one less person have to deal with the odoriferous horror that I did for that short period of time today. It seemed an eternity. I was wondering if Isle 10 had any gas masks in stock.

But I didn't.

I would just step back a foot or two, take a deep breath and try to hold it as long as possible.

I was praying to the checkout Gods that there wouldn't be the need for any price-checks or coupon delays...

My lungs got some good exercise though.
Which is good. Because in this heat...there ain't no way I'm getting on the treadmill.

I hate to sweat. Or perspire. Or whatever you want to call it.
If I did, I'd be a size 2.



  1. I hear that. Perspiring is so....primeval. I mean, it looks good on the workout models on Exercise TV, but c'mon. No-one looks good sweaty... and I doubt it feels all that attractive on the inside, either. Dogs pant just to avoid the whole perspiring process, right? I love the summer, hate the humidity. I rely on Shower-to-Shower body powder and a little miracle straigtening iron made by Metropolis. I can't hold my breath that long, so I breathe thru my mouth. And wait for the humidity to clear out...

  2. Ewwww...sweat, perspiration, body odor, humidity...No wonder I can't stand the summer :)

    I can imagine what you must have gone through in the grocery store with that smelly guy...but at least you know how to hold your breath :D

  3. i dread those really humid hot days.
    over here in london town, during rush hour on the tube, i invariably end up standing nose to arm-pit with a chap that smells like cheese.
    oh the glamour.

  4. @Kathryn - I have a preferrence to turtlenecks over tank tops. I love summer as well, but give me regular heat, not this dripping stuff!

    @kasabiangirl - I'm just glad he didn't eat Mexican food first as well. That might have killed me...

    @sas- If your taller than the foe, it's not as bad. But in the confimed area of the tube...God help you! Could we bring wearing nose plugs into fashion?

    Thanks for the comments! Love 'em!

  5. Thanks for much for stopping by and commenting. It seemed only right that I do the same.

    Lovely blog - I'll be back again... and I promise to shower first.

  6. I hate sweating too. That's what I love about swimming as an exercise, no sweating. I never realized till I read what you wrote that it's also helping me survive smelly people in the world. Hang tough, hopefully your heat wave will end soon.

  7. I am SO with you on the sweat part!!! Sweaty, shirtless men I find incredibly sexy but the problem is: women can't always take their shirts off when they're hot. I did it once and now my neighbour won't allow her eighteen year old grandson to talk to me ;)

  8. I'm not a big fan of excessive heat for a number of reasons, sweat being one of them. And since I live in the friggin' Mojave Desert, it's 100+ a good deal of the time.


  9. No central do need a cocktail for sure. We live and die by it in GA. My mom said it is 102 in Seattle and they dont have central air either. She is le miserina right now. Hope cooler days are on their way!

  10. Eeeewww.....

    HEY! Look who's got 50 bloggy buddies!! You're so modest.

  11. Men sweat. We glisten. *wink* ....and it smells better.

  12. I'm here. I'm stalking. Carry on....

  13. I sweat but I try to shower before I have company

  14. I would have to look tacky in the neighborhood with a cheapo in the window air conditioner for those 3 weeks!! Heck buy a couple in the window air conditioners to balance the look on both sides of the house.

    ... in regards to your last post. I love to look at Tiffanys web site on line. I like the Jean Sch....? collection with the Xs.

  15. And THIS is why I don't date in the summer!

  16. Beautiful blog! Thanks for stopping by mine :)

    Now I'm worried and feel the need to hop in the shower!!

  17. @ Matthew - aww. thanks for the offer to shower before stopping by, but I'm sure it'll be just fine the way you are. ;-)

    @ladytruth - I had a neighbor growing up that was French. She used to mow her lawn in a bikini so she'd get some sun. I always knew when it was grass mowing day, all the men in the neighborhood would find a reason to be outside, in lawn chairs, with binoculars...

    @Chris - which brings up the question...why do people try to live in a desert? Hmmm. Oh, you like to see Theresa sweat. :-)

    @ JennyMac - cold chilled cocktails are what get me through the heat days! (ssshhhh. don't tell anyone...) :-)

    @SmartMouth- glisten. I like that. But I'm sweating so bad it's more like a twinkle.

    @Julie - Glad your here. Stalk away! How fun! :-)

    @HIt40 - Those window units won't even work in my windows! That's the total bummer of it! Trust me...I'd go up to Lowe's and buy the whole damn store out if they did!

    @Jules - Ah no worries. Like Smart Mouth said, we glisten!

    Thanks!! Have a sweat free weekend! (hopefully)
    and if not a cocktail filled one, with ice.


  18. Boobs sweat? Hmm...

    Anyway, this story is very funny to me. I sold my car today, and the guy I sold it to drove down to the bank with me to take care of some paperwork. It was over an hour's drive... and the poor guy had the worst BO I had ever smelled. The ride was torture, and I wanted to throw up in my mouth a little bit. It's like he didn't even know. I just wanted to spray him or something. I can totally sympathize with you.


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