Thursday, December 31, 2009

the flamingo club...

I'm not feeling the positive vibe from eHarmony. The prospects presented thus far have not made my heart feel all aflutter like on their commercials. It looks as though it might have been a better investment to buy some swamp land, and yet I continue to dredge through what matches they send.

There is a very interesting man in Zanesville that is witty and good looking. Bad news...Zanesville is 150 miles away. A little far for a coffee date.

I won't rule it out. Yet. I can't imagine moving presently, but you just never know! It's always good to have friends if it doesn't work out romantically.

Thinking about Zanesville brought some memories. The last time I was in Zanesville, I was there when I was a mere 16 for a synchronized swimming State Competition.

Yes. I was a synchronized swimmer.

Every week, 4 times a week, my mother would drive myself and Beth downtown to the YWCA for practice. We would swim for 2 hours. The first 1/2 hour was a warmup in the pool eggbeating. That's when you use your legs like eggbeaters in the water. No hands, just legs. We had to keep our hands above the water line.

Then we would have to swim laps. Not normal lap swimming, but on our backs sculling up and down the pool propelling ourselves with just our cupped hands pushing the water back and forth. Sound easy? You weren't allowed to create any water movement. It had to appear as if you were being pulled along. Body perfectly still, no current...up and down the pool 20 times each way.

And then, the warm-up for our lungs. As if we hadn't gotten that enough already. Holding your breath, you were to swim underwater for as many lengths of the Olympic sized swimming pool that you could. By the time I completed my last workout with the Flamingo Club, I was able to swim 4 lengths.

It was after all this 'warm-up' that we finally got to start practicing our routines.

The kind of routine that landed Beth and I at State Championships.

I was in amazing shape.

Beth and I had advanced to the point where we were a duet. Alike in stature, we made a good team. We practiced hard and could mirror each others moves so we appeared as one. We were good. She was also my next door neighbor and bestest buddy ever. So our teaming up to swim competitively together was a no-brainer.

Unfortunately, for me, I could hold my breath longer and had more endurance and strength than Beth did. So I was always the one underneath the water's surface pushing her up out of it to do all the pretty leg tricks and above water gestation's. Pointing, spinning, smiling...I was the power. She got all the glory.


That stance seems to have permeated everything in my life.

I'm the support behind everything. The background.

Which is actually the way I like it.
Or at least what fits me best.

I do the windows so the store looks good. I'd dress the models so they looked great on the runway. I'd make the basic story boards so the artists could then draw it out to present it to a client. I'd run the store so the company made it's figures and looked good.

Always behind the scenes.

So being out front and center with eHarmony is a stretch for me. I'm not great at tooting my own horn, although I know I can play. I just need a nudge.

And to be honest. Completely honest. With myself and what I expect.
And what I want. No shortchanging myself. I need to say what I mean and mean what I say.

I made it through the guided communication with a gentleman out in Willoughby. Gentleman might not be the right term. He sent me this note letting me know what he expected at this point of our getting to know one another.

Got your email. It sounds like your really booked up. Let me give you my approach to these things and you can see what works for you. Typically people over 40 have especially demanding schedules or at the minimum they require a lot of time in order to do the things they have put in place. I am that way. If you want to do any dating, I have found it to be a pain in the ass for the most part. Typically I find myself "squeezing" things in only to be not that enthused with the result. So, I can appreciate your alignment of priorities etc.
My philosophy today is that I typically skip the emails, the making plans and the talking on the phone unless I think there might be at least something interesting going on. If I do think there is something interesting going on, I will at least try to establish enough communication to get us to a meeting or a date. Once that happens, the rest is usually self evident. I don't mind busy schedules, especially once I have established the fact that the person is someone I am kind of interested in getting to know.
If you think it is worth trying to connect, then lets talk on the phone first and see if that warrants a translation into a face to face. If not, then thats totally OK too and I understand how things go. So, let me know what you think and we can figure out a good time to talk, or let me know if you think you just cant swing it right now. Either way, I will understand.

OK. That seemed a little odd. It is the holidays after all. With barely enough time for the people I DO know, let alone add another to the mix right now. So I sat on it a few days to think about it. With my response of :

Hi Randy.

You know, I got your e-mail and have given it much thought.
One of the things about my joining eHarmony was to meet someone and be completely honest. In my responses, in my choices.
And although I understand your wanting to 'cut to the chase' and be prudent with your sounds as if you've been down this road of meeting people and them not quite adding up to your expectations.

I appreciate that.

But in the same regard, your completely straightforward approach in skipping any e-mail 'conversations', get down to the basics and then see if we should just takes the mystique out of the dating experience and makes it more of a business arrangement. At least for me...
I'm new to eHarmony, so I've not been through perhaps the same processes as you have. It sounds as if you have pursued other people to be disappointed. I'm not at that stage yet. Like I said, I'm a newbie. My knee jerk reaction from your e-mail is, "I don't know..."

Yes, schedules are tight this time of year, but I don't want to be someone to 'squeeze in' to anyones planner. Your message makes me feel as if I don't already add up and not worth your time. And I don't even know you...
So I wish you luck in your search. I guess we are approaching meeting someone special differently.
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday Season!

And then immediately get a *bing* on my phone for an incoming e-mail. I open it to get this...

Hey Nancy,
Actually, I appreciate your analysis but in fact, the idea of being disappointed after meeting people has nothing to do with my prudence. The long and short of it is that I believe that two adults who have lived 40+ years of life each should be able to step up and share a conversation. If you think that meeting someone online is going to add "mystery" to the experience, get ready to be disappointed. Relationships require effort, end of story, this is nothing to do with the processes of Eharmony, this has to do with my experience in life. You can imagine anything you want, but until you talk with someone, meet someone and get to know someone, you will never know that someone. When someone tells me that they are too busy to pick up a phone until next week, I just have to question the fact that either they are the most busy person alive and have no time to date, or dating is way down on their priority list of things to do, or they have some paranoia or pre-concieved notions about dating and they have this need to go through 2 weeks of emails, followed by 4 phone conversations, followed by 2 meetings for coffee, followed by a lunch date, followed by a dinner date... I just don't have time or energy to figure it all out. I think humans were meant to speak to each other.

You've got to be kidding. Right? Didn't he just send me a note that he doesn't 'do e-mails'? How do I know who this person is and if I give them my number that they aren't going to track me down and kill me while I sleep. I mean, I don't even know this guy. Seriously. How would I know whether I want to meet with him if he won't put forth the effort to communicate? And then send me a note saying that humans should communicate? Did he or did he not just contradict himself.

Bah. I happened to be with Christine, my current BFF and she helped guide me through the quagmire of 'respond or don't respond'.

"Fuck him. What a dick.", she quickly responded.

"I know! Isn't that odd?"

I didn't respond. I just pushed the 'close match' button conveniently located. Seriously. If we couldn't get beyond two e-mails exchanges what possible future would we have? THAT match ain't goin' nowhere...

But I did get a lovely Christmas wish from a guy in Avon who wished me a "Merry Christmas, beautiful Nancy". He's a lawyer. My dad wouldn't be altogether pleased with his choice of professions, he thinks the best place for lawyers is 6 feet under. But if they are part of the family...well, wouldn't I get free service?

Christine...Damn girl, get your head out of the gutter. Free advice, darlin'. THAT's what I was talking about!

Ah. Memories. It's like being back in the ol' Flamingo Club days...

it's always someone else's legs up in the air.


Happy New Year, my friends! I will see you in 2010 after the Blue Moon.


  1. This guy Randy belongs in the wanker category. He's a 40+ but thinks he's in the instant-gratification generation? Yep, wanker.

    Stick to your instincts, Nancy!

    As for the synchronized swimming, I'm totally impressed! I was a competetive swimmer for 13 years and I knew that I could never do what you did! As an aside, the only time I've been to Cleveland was for a swim meet. I hear it's much nicer there now. ;)

    Happy New Year!

  2. Happy New Year to you too but I have to tell you, this guy was a dick head, not question. Anyone who approaches dating from a business angle is going to be disappointed. You were right to close match. I have a girlfriend up the street who is constantly trying to match with the dating websites. She flew all the way across the country to meet this guy and then he blows her off as soon as he picks her up at the airport. Decides on the spot, no match. Give me a break! What the hell is she doing flying across the country! I hope you meet a wonderful guy in 2010!

    All the best to you and your loved ones in 2010 and to that special guy you're gonna meet, where ever he is!

    And again, thank you for selecting me for your blog shout out today! I'm still blushing!

  3. Oh man. People keep telling me to do EHarmony, but I don't know. Those emails were freaky. You are so sane, so I'm closely following your experience here. I too, feel like the one always behind the scenes. Or the one always taking care, always mothering. I will run from the next person (guy) that wants mothering. We could use a little care-taking too!
    And the swimming thing? Very impressive. I swam competitively too, but that breathholding is something!! Happy New Year my friend!

  4. randy...what a loser.

    happy new year!

    p.s. how's the room reno going?

  5. Randy sounds like a real jerk!
    Happy New Year, Nancy.
    Sunny :)

  6. Oh, nancy, you and I could share some dating, is a mine field. I know me and my friend darren signed up once to was looking for a date...i was looking for writing material and life experience...and if i was crazy lucky maybe meet some good people! Oh, BOY was I WRONG!!!

    I had crazy drunk guys....a lawyer from Dayton who would write to me, but when I 'd write him back, he couldn't seem to remember who I was, so i'd have to remind him what he said to me...and help him piece back together why he bothered to write me in the first place! oh, yeah, it was a regular awesome time! NOT!

    and people are strange....your e-mail exchange with the guy who doesn't like e-mail exchanges, yet is signed up for online a prime example of that!

    *sighs* live, you learn i say.

    Have a great new year my flamingo darling!

    and a great 2010 to ya!


  7. Wow, He totally did contradict himself. Hey this kind of tickled my inner voyuer. Could you post all the creepy e-mails you get from e-harmony prospects? Just kidding...not really! Have a Great New Year! How goes the remodel?

  8. Nancy, Randy's a loser. But you've already figured that out for yourself.

    My husband and I emailed daily for six weeks before we ever met face to face, at which point we talked for five hours. Yes, talking has its merits, but so does spending the time to get to know one another via email. By the time we met, I had a basic history of him and his family and it was comfortable - like meeting an old friend. Too bad Randy's going to miss out on that one. His loss.

  9. I like the renovation photo update - very nice job. Keep at it on the eHarmony front, they can't all be dicks. Oh, by the way, I'm very very impressed with your synchronized swimming credentials. Sounds like I'm kidding but I'm totally not. And it's a darned good metaphor too. Happy new year!

  10. Wow! He sure did contradict himself. Well, that's proof right there that sometimes honesty and cutting to the chase is just a bit too much. You were right to shut that down. Keep smiling!

  11. Dear Nancy, Your pal Randy is just looking for an easy one night stand. If someone can't take the time to exchange a few emails until you're comfortable enough to give out your phone number, you don't need him. Have a great New Year!

  12. Hey Nancy,

    Um, yeah. If I ever get around to dating, I hope I won't be a dick. But being male, it's always a possibility; we're not bright, bless us.

    And tho it's a tiny bit early at this end, Happy New Year ;>


  13. Randy..jerk...good idea to close the lid on that one. Synchronized swimming...I am impressed. Renovations...looking good. Background person? I prefer to call it the backbone meaning you are very much needed even if others get the shiney gold star. Happy New Year!

  14. Your swimming routine makes me hurt just reading it. Dear god... there is no way I could ever do that.

    Also, Randy is a douchebag. There is no way I'd ever talk to someone that way if I wanted any chance of building a friendship or relationship with them. "Ooh... look at me. I'm a mature dick who MIGHT be able to pencil me into my schedule, but I don't really feel like communicating with you." You can do much better than that. A sweet gal like you needs a guy who is going to treat her with a little respect. No wonder all his previous encounters didn't work out.

    Good luck in your search, and I hope you have an awesome new year. :)

  15. Adios, Randy!
    I, too, am an ex synchro swimmer, but I was only so-so at it. Lotsa work!
    Remember the ring in memory of your mom that you wrote about so many blogs ago? I am seeing a jeweler this month to have a ring designed, made out of my baby ring, to honor my mom and wear always. Thanks for a great idea.
    Happy 2010, Nancy.

  16. Got to admire you Nancy for sticking to your guns. And laugh a bunch too at the swimming story.

    Happy New Year.

  17. Wow! A synchronized swimmer, I am amazed! Such a hidden talent.

    Sorry your experience with eharmony isn't going so well.

  18. Two of my best friends won a gold in Synchro at the Provincial championships when we were in high school, so I know how strong you were! Ah, the good old days. Now we have to be strong in so many different ways! Those emails made me laugh. Randy just comes across as really jaded. I think maybe he should just give it up! Onward and upward, Nancy! Happy New Year.

  19. Happy New year Nancy.Forget 'whats his name?'You were really cool being polite to him.I woulda told him off!And he knows nothing about communication.
    Take care.

  20. First of all let me say your daughters room looks beautiful!! It came together so Fast!!
    That guy sounded weird...good thing you found that out sooner rather than later...Happy New Year!!! I am glad I found your blog!!

  21. That guy wasn't Randy, he was Richard Cranium, aka Dick Head. Talk about having his head up his a**! Holy moly! Thank God and Greyhound HE's gone! Yike-a-rooney...

    One of these days you're going to be the one with her legs above the water getting all the glory you deserve. Step into the limelight, my friend-- you've got it all going on!

    Happy New Year!

  22. In the first sentence of Randy's first email he wrote "your" when he clearly meant "you're". You should have know right then and there that Randy was trouble!

    I'd never date a girl that didn't know the difference between your and you're. Things like that are probably why I'm single.haha.

  23. Oh, no no no... from that first e-mail, Randy doesn't sound like a good match (or maybe it's just me - I hate overanalysing things like that and prefer to just go along spontaneously)... moreover, Nancy, I know this sounds cheesy, but could you imagine yourself saying the name 'Randy' with, erm, passion? (You know what I mean, right?) (Hey, I know everyone has a different ear, but Randy just doesn't do it for me, anyway, just saying.)

    As to the pool - WOW. I once swam the length of an Olympic pool underwater when I was... um... ten, and I thought I would die then and there at the other end. I never imagined someone could do FOUR! And I call myself a mermaid for my love of being in the water... :o)

    Happy New Year to you, too!

  24. Happy New Year!! :) Your friend is right in her description of this Randy guy,the right guy is out there! Randy obviously just isn't worth the effort,or at least doesn't seem to be at the moment :)

  25. As I read this I thought you would be the type that could do better sitting with your laptop in a Starbuck's working on your blog. Guys will approach a woman sitting there and then you can see the guy and not have to worry about giving numbers and being killed by someone you have never met. Happy New Years day.

  26. I tried eHarmony for about 6 months... the first two months I got NO "matches"... how bad does that make you feel? (Guess nobody out there's interested in anyone over 50... only the young need apply.) Then the only "matches" they sent me were from people who lived at least 200 miles away. At least they didn't try to hook me up with Randy... what a loser! Needless to say, I did not re-register. I didn't even get any good stories out of the deal.

  27. Oh my.
    I can see why eharmony is disenheartening.

  28. Oh. My. God. I hated this guy from the FIRST email....I loathed and detested him even MORE by the second.

    Who the HELL does he think he is? He sounds positively boorish....selfish, controlling and egotistical.

    He's a nightmare waiting to happen. Ew, ew and ew.

    Good riddance.
    I'm with Chrissy....totally!

  29. Life throws us curve balls to we can appreciate the home runs. That man was a douche. I love that you were a synch swimmer! Atta girl.

    Keep your head high and writing. You make the word a better place, beauty!

    Happy New year. :)

  30. Nancy, You made the right choice with this Randy. I'm jealous of your swimming experience--I wish I'd had SOME athletic activity in school, but yours was awesome! And about the lovely renovation photo and the loveseat being that THE loveseat? The one whose story hooked me on your blog a few months ago? Just wondering.

  31. great closing line!

    happy new year! all the best of love and luck to you thru the year

  32. @Pines lakes - Excactly MY thought as well. Wanker. :-)

    @HeatherLynn - I've decided this online experience is like shopping at TJ Maxx. A lot of it is crap, you have to dig to get the good find!

    @Mark Price - Glad to help out the voyeur in you! :-) I might start sidebar posts on the creeepy e-mails! Great Idea!!!

    @GunDiva - I'm glad that it worked for you, and I use YOUR experience as a bar of success for myself! I guess he just didn't get the fact that I needed to know he wasn't a psychopath BEFORE I gave him my home number. Duh.

    @Indigo - You? A dick? Nope. I KNOW that's not true. :-)

    @MIke - You are too kind! Love the convo "Ooohh...look at me!" I'm still laughing!

    @Janice - I want to see a picture of YOUR ring when it's completed! LOVE that idea! I love mine. The inscription of her name is small so you can't see it unless you are looking for it, but I can FEEL it when I rub my finger across it. I love that...
    Happy New Year to you too!

    @Rebecca - I just wish I were as sdtrong NOW, or ih even close to the same shape! Ha!

    @Leah - Richard Cranium.

    You kow I used to work with a guy named Richard Biter. True story.

    @Julie - You know Jules...I thought the same thing myself. The name Randy reminds me of Randy Quaid. Not quite the turn on for me! :-)

    @Tom- That's not a bad idea! I'll bring my virtual office there! Starbucks, here I come!

    @That gal Kiki - Awe, shucks! Youi just made my day! Maybe even my whole month with your comment. {{blush}}

    @Blissed OUt Grandma - No. It's the one that came OUT of my office that was replaced by the one I didn't need, but now the dogs love. It'll be kindof cool. Different colors and patterns on each cushion with the frame all light blue. The ulphostery guy thought we were crazy, but that's how we roll.

    @ Lora - I KNEW you'd catch that. I think I wrote it for that sole purpose!

    Happy New Years everyone!
    And as always, thanks for all your great comments!!


  33. OK - I just laughed out load - not a lol - a real laugh!! Maybe Randy does not get the "e" in eHarmony - what a jerk. Happy New Year Nancy!

  34. It swells my heart to read in the second comment, someone use the word "Wanker". Please tell me you are spreading this amazing word through all your chums so we can bridge the transatlantic divide.

    You can use variations though: tosser being one of them. If you ever need any more UK swear words, I am always here to help matey.

    Wishing you all the best for 2010 and as always, looking to read some more excellent blogging stuff from you.

  35. OMG we should totally chat about our online dating experiences. Over the past three years I've been on eharmony,, and plentyoffish. The last one is free- I'll be honest, all the others added up to quite a dent in my checking account! Anyway, the most recent snub I got was a guy I'd emailed who replied to say, "Thanks for the email, but I'm only looking to date in my area." Hmm, I though, where does he live? Oh, about 20 minutes down the road from me. Do you think he could have come up with a better excuse than that? I would have even appreciated an honest, "I'm just not attracted to you" or something! LOL

    Anyway, good luck with eharmony! You seem like a pretty awesome lady, so there's no doubt in my mind that eventually an equally awesome man will come into your life.

  36. I agree with Christine's assessment of Randy. UGH. I think it would be absolutely torturous dating him after reading his messages. bleh. And how cool that you were a synchronized swimmer - even if most of it was spend under the water ;-)

  37. It is interesting to know that you a synchronized swimmer, and i was excited to read through your practice sessions, i can paddle for 30mts then take a break , and at max 6 lengths of 30 mts....

    So i look at you with a lot of respect infact i wanted to port this article into my blog on marathons
    my best sessions of practice was for doing a marathon which was after almost 13 years after school, or rather after practice.I did manage to run the 26.2 miles. here is it about its preparations

    may i take your permission to take this post of yours but i will be editing the eharmony part of it and retaining only the practice session.

    by the way about eharmony and similar dating or matrimonial websites (as we call them in india).
    There are ways in which people are lured into taking memberships in these by pseudo profiles etc... I am have come across those.

    When High attitude's clash at high altitudes....
    about your email conversations.

    I am no randy , i don't maintain a scheduler or planner and i am not ruled by a scheduler instead i rule the schedule.I respect and give importance to others.

  38. I use the word wanker! Actually, being English I usually say "what a fucking wanker" and Randy certainly qualifies! And it sounds as though he is talking a load of bollocks.

  39. Ah, Zanesville. Are you referring to the one in OH? I went to school in Athens, which isn't far from there. They are both in the middle of friggin nowhere.

    Good luck with eHarmony. Randy seems a little jaded. I think Christine is right about that dude.

  40. Randy sounded more like he was making business deals than looking for love. Hope you have good luck with eharmony.
    By the way, the bedroom looks fabulous!

  41. OK, that was really funny! It's difficult to meet guys out there and this jerk wad is not helping! I think you handled it well, I am with your friend.

    Well good luck with Eharmony and Happy New Year!

  42. Wow! Randy could be some kind of depraved stalker. I agree with Kathryn. Ew, ew & ew!
    I think I read a blog or article some time ago that one guy wasn't even accepted in EHarmony! They rejected him! Surprised that Randy even made it in. He sounds like he's just in it for the sex anyway. Good luck & know when you lest expect it, love happens! :)
    Awesome about the swimming! I can barely swim to save my live but I love the water (as long as it doesn't go higher than my neck). LOL!
    Oh, I almost forgot! I absolutely adore the flamingoes! I copied the pic to use in the future! Thx!

  43. Oh my goodness. The guy is definitely not worth your time. I spent many years on and off doing eharmony and rsvp. And the biggest thing I learnt is how important it is to go through the tradiitional steps - email, phone, meet. The "understanding me" at first thought, yea fair enough, meeting in person is the best way to get a feel for someone, and went along with those that insisted. I soon learnt though, that you can tell a lot by email and phone and if someone can't be bothered to woo you and get to know you first, then it won't work.

    The last person I dated, I should never have met. The phone call was a disaster, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. When we met, he was charming and drew me in. Once he had me hooked, I was reminded of that phone call. Three months later, I finally managed to escape!

    Go with what you think is right and don't be co-oerced into anything different. Good luck with it all. And remember, maybe the guy 150 clicks away will move to your city!

  44. For a 40+ guy who should know how to have a conversation, he sure is a pain in the ass.
    Hi Nancy.


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