Friday, August 28, 2009

first week at school 'Whammy'...

It's the first week of school.

And nothing says, "WELCOME BACK Students!" as well as the ginormous amount of paperwork that the parents get in the first few days.

It's a veritable mountain of papers that need to be filled out, signed and returned by a certain date. You have the medical release forms, the hot lunch menu and sign up sheets, the "OK" forms for photos and addresses and such to be published. The list goes on and on, enough to kill several forests (if we weren't using recycled paper). In today's world, everything needs to be on file and double checked to make sure there will be no litigation if something were to happen to your child on school property.

I get that. It's an unfortunate, but I understand.

I try to stay on top of all the papers, so I make a point of filling them all in and sending them back right away. A. To assure I don't lose them between Monday and Thursday; and B. To insure that my daughter's new teacher AND the office staff won't think I'm one of "those" parents.

You know the parents I speak of...the ones that don't reply or at least by deadline, don't follow by the guidelines given by the school, don't use the drop-off/pick-up line in the fashion for which it was intended and in turn mess up the whole thing, or apparently have no consideration for others. If you have a child, I think that everyone has come across one of 'those' people at one time or another. It's inevitable.

But the best of the 'Welcome Back Students' form came home just four days into the new school year...

The distressful "Letter to Parents-Head Lice Procedures" form.

It came home today.

Apparently one of my daughters classmates, who for his tender age shouldn't be named (Josh), was itching his head during class. Health class, which is quite fitting. He found a bug and showed it to one of the girls so he could gross them out, which it seems he was quite successful at. And then the ball started rolling.

The girls screamed.
The teacher came over.
The teacher inspected the bug.
The child got sent to the nurse.
The nurse inspected the head.
The head had lice.
The parents were called.
The entire school then had to be inspected.
A letter was sent home with the students.
And my daughter was passed as having a clean head.


However, as I type this, she is in the bathtub. I scrubbed her head like nobody's business...just to make sure. The thought of little crawly bugs in my hair, or her hair, or the dogs hair just grosses me totally out. Have you seen them? Ick.

I recently watched the South Park episode, Lice Capades, where they climbed the 'trees' to get away from imminent destruction of the conscious world. (and we find that they have been able to live in Angelina Jolie's minge for generations...that's so damn funny) Trust me. I don't want those bugs living anywhere near my home. They may look cute with their hair and sideburns and baby larvae in the episode, but the thought of them just makes me cringe.

So she'll have to deal with my scrutiny of her scalp and the extra scrubbing. Which is okay. Because her hair is blond. That color of blond that can even the best colourist cannot duplicate. And with it being squeeky clean now, her hair will glisten like golden silk this evening.

And it's looking extra special coincides with the big event. You see, she's going to the Jonas Brothers concert tonight. That's a big deal, a big event, perhaps even the highlight of the summer for the tweener set. The seats are 13th row center near the runway "right by where they do the flips". It would be a little girls dream to catch one of the Brothers attention. But since she is only 10, whichever brother it is, Kevin, Joe or Nick that eye-spies her will just have to keep his promise ring on a little while longer.

They've all got the bankroll I'll okay the romance and let them wait for her.

Mommy wouldn't mind retiring soon, and I'm not against being supported by my daughter's famous husband. The timing would be just perfect. I'll start planning the wedding over tonight's dinner.

And I will NOT be ordering lice...I mean rice.


  1. I remember when we were in primary school and one boy was diagnosed with "The Lice"; the poor thing was ridiculed from here to Timbuktu and his lice was so bad they had to shave all his hair off. He said it wasn't because of the lice, but it was due to early onset baldness just like his daddy. He was 8 at the time. ;)

  2. Yuck, hate the yearly school paperwork, and the yearly threat of lice!
    So cute she's going to see the JoBros. Hope she has a blast!
    My 18 year old will be jealous...

  3. I know "those" parents only too well. TOO well. But thanks for not being one of "them". Your principal will thank you for it.

  4. Oh boy, my head is itching just thinking about those things. Good things do come with age and growing out of the lice inspections seems to be one of them.

    I hope your daughter has a wonderful time at the concert tonight and good luck with the wedding plans.

  5. Oh yes... many's the meal I've eaten with my hair wet and foamy, crackling away under a shower cap for 30 minutes of lice nuking.

    And he wondered why we didn't let him have dessert.... sheesh - kids today.

  6. EEEEEWWWWWW!! Sounds worse than fleas!

  7. Yes, WAY worse than fleas! When I was a little girl I got lice and had to have my hair cut short and I remember some awful purple stuff I had to be washed with. It's easier these days, but still... I agree.

  8. Yeah....good times. I've got that lovely paperwork sitting (un-filled-out) on my desk. It's times three (3 kids) and most of the individual forms have to be filled out in duplicate or triplicate...1-teacher, 1-nurse, 1-main office. I figure I must have....wait a sec....about a kazillion papers to fill out.

    And I wonder why I haven't gotten started. (We don't start here till 9/9....PLENTY of time....)

  9. Chris knows lots of "those" parents. I'm so glad that your daughter did not end up with lice. My kids never had them, but I told myself if they ever did, I'd just shave their heads (another example of how boys are easier than girls...but I still wish I would've had at least one girl).

    Anyways, how cool, she's going to a Jonas Bros concert. Are you going with her? Hope she has a blast!

  10. 5 people and lice in a one bedroom apartment was my childhood. It was Hell.

  11. Ugh... I remember health class and those horrible 80s head lice videos they made us watch. We'd all walk out of there scratching our heads vigorously just from the thought of it.


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