Sounds all 'modern family', doesn't it?
He and I have mellowed over the years into a very amicable relationship. We do annual family ski vacations and engage in group hugs. He and I are bonded by our love of our daughter. And that's okay. (as long as he no longer tells me I look tired...)
I'm glad that even when we first split, we put bears interests above our own egos. Sure, there have been moments when we've hated each other, but have always worked things out...because of boo. And it shows. She's a better kid because of it. She wasn't damaged like some children can be from splits. I know some parents that can't even attend teacher conferences at the same time. That is just so, so sad.
It seems nowadays the majority of kids are either from divorced parents, remarried parents, single parents or divorced remarried parents. Very few actually have the Christmas card nuclear family with both parents, 2 kids and a dog any more. The 1950's ideal of family has gone way by the side of the road.
I think I'd rather be on that road. The classic family road. I long for the simplistic nature that traditional roles in family provide.
Seriously, this doing everything; being everything gets really, really old.
And to maybe get back on that road I recently signed up on eHarmony.
I know, I know.
It's probably a futile effort and a waste of money, but I thought I'd give it a try. As much as I cringe every time I go to sign on and see the smiling mugs of LJ and Shannon; Married: August 5, 2006!, I do hear good things about it from some people.
I've closed several matches just because I didn't like their photo. That might be a little superficial, but hey, it's realistic at least. Perhaps they were my 'soul mate' (whatever that is) and I didn't give it a shot. I suppose mustaches could be shaved off. But seriously, if someone posts a photo of themselves with a mustache, mullet and muscle shirt? Yeah, I'm not starting any communication with that one. That's a little too much boyfriend makeover. It might work on TV, but not in real life. Perhaps they thought it a good photo because it showed off their 'guns'. It might be okay for some women, but it's not my style. If I want a gun, I'll go to a gun shop.
There were a few guys that I have to commend that they were so blatantly honest. A guy in Toledo listed that he was 'basically a mail carrier'. And 'basically, he liked his job because he had health insurance, job security and enough money to go to the bar on Friday night'. Really, those were his exact words.
He was sort of cute. But I've enough of cute, dumb boys. Oh, did I mention that he was 43? High standards? I don't think so. But I bet his double wide mobile home is beautiful...(bad Nancy. Shame, shame.)
There are alot of short men as well. I'm sure that it's okay if you are Tom Cruise, you can afford to buy lifts for your shoes when you date someone taller. But these guys are Tom. Not that I'm Katie Holmes, but that isn't going to work for me either.
As I peruse these people that have been 'matched' with me, I've become rather critical.
I thought about that the other night. It's so unlike me.
I'm really a very accepting person.
Almost to a fault.
But lately it seems that I've crossed some invisible barrier. One where I'm now more demanding, more attune to what it is that I want. Which somehow makes me less accepting of behaviour that I used to put up with.
Even with my friend whom I used to be romantically involved with, I've noticed a change in my attitude. The other day he was being a moody dick. Normally I'd try to find out what the problem is and resolve it. Yesterday I just told him, "You're being a dick. Snap out of it."
"Me? You're the one on edge!" he replied.
"Uh. No. You're a dick. Call me when you have it sorted out. I don't want to be around you when you're a dick."
"Sorry, I've got a lot of things on my mind.", he said.
Which is fine. We've all been there. But it's not MY problem. I used to make it my problem. I used to absorb the issue and resolve it, shoulder the burden. But I don't need to any longer. There ain't no ring on my finger that makes it my problem.
Take care of whatever is bugging you and then, come back to talk to me.
Until then, I've got my own stuff to worry about...
I thought about it.
My response to him; my response to those on eHarmony and decided that somewhere along the way...I've evolved.
I'm finally getting the mindset that it's alright for me to have a say. To know what I want. To feel like I deserve to be treated with respect.
Over at DigitalMCS, Mike recently got engaged. He had a post where he wrote about how his "fiance's eyes sparkled when she smiled." How sweet is that? Pukey, sickly sweet. But I love it and I'm happy for them. It's refreshing. And it's real...
Christmas is the season where you can't turn on a television, open a magazine or read a newspaper without being bombarded with jewelry advertisements. I've seen the Kay Jewelers commercial now about 6 dozen times and each time it makes me want to tear up.
"I love you."
That's all that's said. From the younger guy to his girlfriend; the older couple sitting at their kitchenette table; the middle aged couple having tea by the fireplace...a diamond, in any form, will seemingly convey this message. And yeah. I agree.
But being today what it is, I will continue to peruse the lame list of guys available on eHarmony. I don't have high hopes for the matching site, but I'll try to stay optimistic about it. Because that's what I am, an optimist.
However I admit, I am a hypocrite.
When I 'close' the match, I'm not honest.
I should click on the option that best let them know why I'm not pursuing the communication. Should I be honest and let them know that their profile is creepy, or their picture just isn't showing their best side. Instead I prefer to save them face. I click on the 'other reason' button. Which won't hurt their feelings that they are a schmutz, but might leave them wondering, "Why?".
I have to say that I've gotten a couple of messages from others that closed the match on me. The message was, "I don't feel that the chemistry is there."
To me, that sounds like, "You look tired."
Oh. Look at this one!
Hmmm. This guy in Westlake is nice looking and sails. Cool.
But what's with the soul patch on his chin?
That's gotta go.
Didn't I just see an ad for a sale on Norelco...