OK....so I've had the view of the bus from the underside after being casually thrown under it time and time again. I err on being too nice, too trusting, too naive. I've decided to be 'pro-active' with my life and never have that particular view again. If it takes a little sleuthing once in a while to make sure I don't see that view, then so be it. Early this morning I started to get the glimpse of an axle approaching and decided it was time to move out of the way.
The whole high tech era has made emotional infidelity easy. Cell phones, 3g Internet, texting, FaceBook....all of these things pose a threat to monogamous relationships.
In the past you had to worry about calls at odd hours, spouses/significant others talking in hushed tones. But today...today you can be sitting right next to your spouse and they can be carrying on a texting relationship right under your nose under the guise of 'returning a work e-mail'; 'gotta take this call' or the best; 'I'll be up late writing'. Writing. I should have asked "writing to whom".
At first I wanted to believe...no pretend, that I was mistaken. That he really was just up late writing. I mean he IS a writer and a night owl too. The quiet of the house at night helps him put his thoughts down. But over the years there have been just too many inappropriate communication late at night to make it anything but looking for something other than what I can give him.
My first reaction is to be upset with the 'other'. But it's not necessarily 'the other'....it's him. (However, if there were more women out there spending their time tending to their own relationships, I wouldn't be writing this at all.) If it's not the girl at Akron U with the sexy librarian glasses, the hussy in a bad marriage with two kids in Washington State, then it's the past friend from High School living in Arizona. I realized it didn't matter who....there will always BE a who.
"Ur my SWIBFAZ - just an FYI"
"Your my sexy woman I'd bone from AZ"
"Ok, cool. ur my SSAFBD"
"Sweetest sin and future baby daddy"
"I could make u happy and enjoy life"
You've got to be F**king kidding me! Okay. What do you DO with that information. You can either sit on it and never say a word. But that would fester in my soul and eventually make things unlivable for me. You can confront him and see what he says....although you still have to be ready and willing to make a change no matter what the response. If he says, "yes...I've been having inappropriate communication for someone that is in a committed relationship"....what do you do with that! Trust him? Think everything will be 'okay'? With the past history, over the last 5 years, of someone every 8 months starts 'flirtations' when his ego seems to falter?
I mean, c'mon. How selfish.
Well, that's when I decided that enough was enough. I've been through too many of these 'writer' explorations into the human psyche. "It's for research", he said. Pleaze.....Done. Kaput. Get the *expletive* out!
A strong word of warning to those out there who think that this behaviour is all innocent. It's not. It's hurts people. Take a moment to think about how you would feel if your girlfriend boyfriend/wife or husband were texting or emailing someone SSAFBD? Wouldn't do much for you, would it. It's an emotional bomb. On many levels. You've taken the word TRUST in the relationship and thrown it out the window.
If you think that there is something out there that is better for you than the relationship you are in....then GET OUT of your present relationship BEFORE you start hooking up, virtually or otherwise, with someone else. The majority of people who split up would have been better off emotionally if the spouse/significant other had had the balls to make the separation BEFORE their infidelity. They would perhaps be able to remain friends. But in this instance? No...I don't need a friend who wants to bang the girl in AZ while I'm sleeping upstairs.
So I'm taking the ultimate high tech offensive. I dropped his link off my blog page and changed my status on FaceBook to I'm no longer "in a relationship".
Oh, and I'm posting this.
Good luck with the SWIBFAZ.